I'm still wafting around on retreat bliss after five days on the Mindful Self-Compassion course with Anna Friis at Mana Retreat in the Coromandel. What an experience.

I've had a soft landing back into home and work life (more on soft landings shortly). My mind and body are primed for savouring, receiving, noticing, accepting and connecting. Now I can't stop thinking about the little and big ways I can bring this into my new normal. Think of it as an update to my operating system. (Not a fan of computer metaphors? I've got you. Call it an upcycle…)

Have you ever given yourself five days to just BE? And more than that, to RECEIVE?

I received nourishing food I didn't have to think about. An adorable, simple hut tucked into the Coromandel bush. Birdsong day and night. Mindful yoga and meditation every day. Mandatory time away from screens, and even from talking. A mountain to climb. Experiential learning, lovingly curated and artfully offered.

At a deeper level, I received connection. I was with like-minded travellers who were learning to meet their own tender experiences, and each other's, with warm-heartedness. I felt part of a long lineage of wisdom seekers. They know suffering is an unavoidable part of being human, and that the road to joy runs right through our painful experiences. Those experiences don't mean we're broken. They're part and parcel of being human, and they can connect us to ourselves and to each other. Perfect timing to deepen my practice with Mindful Self-Compassion (developed by Kristin Neff and Chris Germer) just in time for offering our own Wholehearted Retreat in October.

I'd like to share the three take-homes I'm bringing into daily life. Which one floats your boat?

1. Soft landing

"Soft landing" was Anna's name for the moment we took to anchor ourselves in the present each time we came back together, at the start of the day or after a break. It can be as simple as three deep breaths, pressing your feet into the ground, or closing your eyes and naming five sounds you can hear.

It sends a message to your body and mind: I am HERE. NOW. Whatever came before is finished. Whatever comes next can wait.

It completely changes my ability to be present, focus and connect. In a group, it settles the whole room. If you need to dial down the pressure and dial up your capacity to listen and connect, start here.

2. In for me, out for you

This practice is an antidote to empathy fatigue. That's the overwhelm we feel when we've been soaking up other people's suffering and lost touch with our own needs. It's a way of saying I care about you AND me, instead of I care about you, and then about me if there's any care left over.

Here's how:

Take a few deep breaths in and out.
Bring your attention to your in-breath. Breathe in warmth and care for yourself, knowing each breath carries oxygen to every cell. Silently say "In for me" and let the breath nourish you.
Let your out-breath go on its own. Notice how your body relaxes as you release it.
When you feel filled up, bring in the out-breath too. As you breathe out, say "Out for you." You might picture a particular person you'd like to send a soothing breath to, or offer it to the world.
Keep going: "In for me" to nourish yourself, "Out for you" to send ease outward.

Even ten rounds can feel delicious.

3. Savouring

Savouring is an appreciation practice. It's a deliberate way of training your brain to notice, seek out and create good experiences.

Start with food. You may have done this with a piece of chocolate or a strawberry. Whatever you choose, slow the experience right down. Hold it in your hand. Look at it. Smell it. Is it warm or cold? Heavy or light? What colour is it? How many details can you notice?

Now take one bite. Hold it in your mouth. Try an experimental chew and move it around. How does the flavour change? What does it remind you of? Eat, and know you are eating. Feel your mouth water. Listen for a gurgle as your stomach gets ready. Imagine the nutrients moving into your bloodstream.

Savouring works beyond food too. Gaze into a loved one's eyes. What colour are they, really? Breathe in their smell (maybe warn them first). Touch their skin. Is it smooth or rough, warm or cool? How many other ways could you savour simply being with this person?

Or find some water: a pool, a river, the ocean, even your bath or shower. What does it look like, smell like, feel like? What can you hear? Drink it in.

Over to you

Which of these will you try first? Where in your day could you use a soft landing right now? Tell me in the comments. I'd love some company in the practising.

xx Heather

Soft Landings from Compassion Land

Taming Olga